Being a Capricorn and Taking Pleasure in Saying "No" with Zero Justification

Hedonism and boundaries

I am a hedonist and a quaintrelle, I love to dress up, I love large dinners, I love big hair and jewelry, expensive perfume and wine and above all I love saying “No”. I take pleasure in saying “No” as much as I do in saying “Yes”. Growing up in this patriarchal world and in a family full of women, I have been told that I have to constantly sacrifice my needs, my dreams and my pleasure for others. Fortunately for me, and unfortunately for others around me, I quickly rejected that mentality and locked it away forever. I always repeat “I refuse to be a miserable woman”, mediocrity, forced sacrifices and self-pity are my biggest enemies as the woman I am and the one I will continue to grow into. Leave it to Joan of Arc to be a martyr, I am simply a woman and a lover.

We have been taught as women that saying “No” is selfish and that putting your needs first is inconsiderate. Many times, I have been told I am “rebellious” and “capricious”; frankly, I do not care! My loved ones know that I would do a lot for them and I always make sure they are celebrated and loved, however I will never lose myself and my sense of boundaries for somebody else and I never expect someone else to sacrifice their needs for me either. Boundaries are always fair, sacrifice is not.

I want more women to say “No” to things that do not benefit them in any way. I also recognize that it is difficult to say “No” and to learn how to establish boundaries and unlearn the toxic patterns we were taught while also rejecting the guilt that comes with putting yourself first after years of catering to other people’s needs. Nonetheless, there is great liberation in not accepting anything less than what we want whether it is in a professional setting, in our friendships or in our romantic encounters. The more we say “No”, the more we will say “Yes” to what we truly deserve. This is where the pleasure in setting boundaries comes, when we take pleasure in putting limits, we then take greater pleasure into welcoming everything we want and need in our life.

I want to say that there is a sense of spiritual alignement in saying “No” but there is also a practical and pragmatic side to it, and we must thrive in both worlds. Justification is also never needed, even when we feel the need to justify ourselves. The sea never justifies her tides and never will.

I hope you say “No” to something today, and say “Yes” to what brings you happiness and pleasure.